Emotionally I just can not seem to be able to focus.
Working through so many memories of past,  the emotions I still carry.
My thoughts are with so many.
And my heart breaks for each of them.
It is a nightmare no one should have to experience.
Unfortunately life doesn’t work that way.
It does not gently pick and chose who will stay and who will go.
I know the feeling of a community in mourning.
The incomprehensible sadness of your friends dying.
I also know that kick in the chest, can’t breath tunnel vision you have when planning your sons funeral,  writing his obituary.
It tears your heart out, looking for the perfect words to tell the world you have to say good bye now.
The only sound you hear rushing in your ears while you wander through a room of boxes…..looking for one for your child.
Those are the most pround moments you can experince.
You never imagine saying good bye to your child.
It changes you forever.
As I look around social media I see friends, and even strangers reflecting on life in light of this weekends accident.
Trying to make sence of something that will never make sence.
That is the funny thing about accidents, it is in those few seconds so many lives are changed forever.
It doesn’t matter your age.
Or your circumstances.
And no matter how bad we want, wish or pray for it to be different, it is not.
There is no going back.
I know how unfair it is.
How scary it is when your friends needlessly die on the side of a highway.
To see the mangled wreckage on the tv.
To release balloons into the sky.
To pray for those in the hospital, clinging to the hope they will be okay.
When good people are ripped from your life and world forever.
How it makes you question it all.
How it makes you feel guilt.
Perhaps you think, why them and not me.
Be there for each other.
Just  to remember and cry.
And be angry and mad.
And hopeful, because there is still one Warrior fighting a fight.
He needs your prayers right now.
Then you need to try and push that anger to the side.
It helps no one.
It is toxic.
And carrying it around will not make your friends come back.
Or change what has happened.
Now is the time to honor them.
It will help you begin to heal your shattered hearts and give you something good to cling to right now.
And if you can somehow turn that anger into something positive for not just right now,  but years to come would truely be a way to honor your lost friends.
You will remember this time for the rest of your life.
And you will one day look back, without the tears and not quite so much pain.
Of course, I can not help but think of the other family in crisis.
Because no matter how angry everyone is, they are indeed victims as well.
All because of a really bad decision.
That is all it was.
I can not imagine the burden this young man will carry for the rest of his life.
For he surely never set out to end his night taking the young lives of so many.
I pray for those young men, I never had the pleasure to meet.
And I pray for their moms.  For strength to get through the next hours, days, week, and weeks to come.
One breath at a time.
And of course the rest of their families and friends.
May you all find comfort in  each other.

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