Borscht

Borscht

You may have noticed there sure have been a lot of lobster posts here on Nutmeg Disrupted lately.

And I have one more to put up.

I feel a bit stuck right now. Not in a rut so much as just avoiding a place where I am not sure I am ready to go yet. But if I don’t now, when?

Funny how death does that. Pulls the rugout from beneath your feet. Brings such clarity. Makes you question your choices and decisions.

After a nasty physical confrontation with some members of my family which caused my first son to be born a month early, I decided to walk away from my family.

That was almost 15 years ago. And I never looked back. Pride, fear, and anger fueled my stubbornness.And I have never regretted it for a moment. It was what I needed to do. Like a crushing weight being lifted off my chest.

Until now.

Baba

My baba died earlier this year.

I don’t think she ever knew what had happened. Why I left and never looked back. I always meant to go see her. But fear can be a very powerful emotion. So many times I wanted to go see her. Or write her a letter letting her know she was always on my mind. And yet, I did nothing. Because I was just so damn scared.

My regret is huge. Really there are no words to describe how very sorry I am. To walk into her funeral with my son, now 13, her never having ever met him. It breaks my heart on so many levels. I guess this is my punishment for my decisions. My lack of action. My stubbornness. For letting my anger with some, ruin relationships with all.

As I sat listening to the stories at her service I started to remember. Remember all the times we spent together. All the things I learnt from her. Of how alike we were.

She was the first member of the family to be behind the camera. Her gardens were nothing short of amazing. And though her food was simple, it was all about the love she put into it. For her family.

So many regrets. My heart is indeed heavy. As I wait for the never ending winter to go so I can find some sort of peace in my garden, I cook through my grief.

She may not have known it, but she was one of my hugest inspirations.

This is a soup she would make. Simple ingredients fresh from the garden!

I remember sitting in her kitchen watching, learning, eating.

Thank you Baba. xoxox

Borscht 2

Borscht

8 – 9 large beets

2 cups of carrots (cut into coins)

2 cups of green beans (chopped)

1/4 cup of fresh dill  (chopped)

 1 large onion (chopped)

salt & pepper

To prepare beets: Leaving about 1 inch of stem on give beets a wash. Fill a large pot with the beets. If you have large and small beets, use 2 pots, one for each size. Cover beets with water and place on high to bring to a boil. Once it begins to boil turn heat to medium to continue cooking. Small beets take 15 minutes, larger ones take up to 30 minutes. You will know they are done when pierced with a fork. Strain beets and plunge into cold water. Taking a knife remove stem end, the skins will just slide off. Give a quick rinse under cool water and slice into a bowl or soup pot.

veggies for borscht

Add the carrots, beans, onions and dill and cover with water.

Bring to a gentle boil and cook until the carrots are cooked through.

Serve with cream or sour cream.

borscht

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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10 thoughts on “Borscht

  1. Heather, it was wonderful meeting you!

    It was a hard start to the year losing her. I am taking those feeling and turning it into something more positive. I am working towards bettering some relationships and making up for lost time.

    Thank you for the heads up about the comments freezing. I will go in and make some changes.

    Lets hope 2013 will be a fantastic year for us all.

    Great seeing you! Thank you for stopping by.

  2. Thank you Marlene,

    I was away for so so long, strange how quickly the years roll by. And because it was from such negativeness, all the good memeories were forgotten. Sitting there listening to her life story, I realize how much of an impact she made on my early years. Much of what I watched her do in those early years formed who I have become. The realization of that does bring me some joy, I would have loved to have shared that with her.

    Thank you for stopping by.

  3. Wow Redawna, this is so heartfelt and touching. I don’t think I can compete with sweatpea’s comment for I heartily agree with all of it. It was a pleasure chatting with you at FBC 2013 and I can’t see what this year will hold for you.

    Just a heads up, I understand when you right click on your blog an empty popup comes and then it freezes the comments. (Well for me). I went to right click on a spelling error, closed the pop up, and then had to clear and re write my comment. Also refreshing the page for some reason didn’t help it either. No idea 🙂

  4. Thank you for your kind words.

    I am using this as a stepping stone to start rebuilding some of the relationships that have been affected by the past decisions I have made.
    And though I do know I made the right decision for myself and my family, I still feel like she was an innocent victim in all of this and missed out on seeing her grandchildren grow up.

    Now maybe some healing can begin.

    I appreciate you stopping by.

  5. Sweetie, you made some tough decisions in your life. You made some decisions you had to. For survival, for you, for your son, for your family.
    Death always makes us look back, makes us think of the things we would have, could have done differently.
    You are but one, the world is not unilateral, is not linear. Don’t take the world on your shoulders. Remember the good times, learn from the bad times. Don’t let the past consume your present. Let it shape who you don’t want to become.
    And know that there is no expiry date on love. It goes on.

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